Category Archives: Philosophy

I. Am. So. Tired.

I am tired. So stinkin’ tired. I’m so tired that I’m going to drop my scruples and list everything that I did yesterday just to prove to myself that I’m justified in being tired. Because right now I just feel guilty about it and keep apologizing to my fam.

Let’s see. Yesterday. Hmm. Got the ‘rents off to the airport at 4 AM. Put myself and the minions together for work and school after a three day weekend. Mediated a minion smackdown. Threw a load of laundry into the washer. Spent the first 45 minutes of my commute just getting to the highway. Work. Did a speed-editing job on a rush new listing. Five major but quickie revisions on said listing. Troubleshooting on a marketing application – complete with bug report involving company IT. Sorted and scanned ten files for archiving. Troubleshot new user account logins with outside company – and turns out it was their server error. Project for sales manager.

Lunch. A cup of soup. Seriously. That was it. Quickie revision on rush new listing for head honcho. Financial revisions on old listing. Project involving market research for boss. All afternoon. Schooled by office guy on an issue. My mistake.

Drive home. Major traffic. Left work at 6 PM. 7:30 PM – finally close to home but had to pick up little minion from older minion’s scout meeting. Spent time with younger minion and got him off to bed just in time to get the older kid home and into bed. Died on the couch. Woke up this morning – repeat.

Now, I’m not listing all of this in an effort to self-promote. Hardly. I’m trying to make myself feel just a teeny bit justified in being the abso-freaking-lutely exhausted mess of a human being that I am this morning. Really. Because I feel horribly guilty and keep apologizing to my fam about it. Did I already say that? Sorry. Can’t remember. Memory si shot.

So in the midst of all this, I remembered a conversation with a colleague from a couple of weeks ago. It was a very Monty Python-esque chat – ‘Always look on the bright side of life,’ and all that. The subject of choice came up, as in, you have only yourself to blame if you don’t like your situation. Because ultimately your choices led you there. And the true road to acceptance, inner peace and healing only comes with realizing that you and only you are responsible for everything that happens to you (per the conversation).

Huh? Not sure where I chose to have my body develop a condition that leaves me fatigued and feeling like I have the flu some days. Guess I chose to take my doctor’s advice and go on medication for it – and that leads to other side effects. But it’s chronic, and not going away.

Or this random example: a person chooses to put on their left shoe first, as opposed to their right, which leads to slower tying and two minutes later out the door. After the resulting car accident that leaves them paralyzed – are they truly responsible for choosing one shoe over another? See what I mean? It’s a flawed argument. (Tangent – Can you tell I aced logic in college?) I mean, it’s an interesting Sliding Doors concept and all that, but where do you draw the line about being totally responsible for everything that happens to you?

And where does God fall into all of this? My choices aren’t truly my choices, are they? And what about predestination – a big can o’ worms there…

And I’d love to have that same chat after the individual in question walked a day in my shoes. Like yesterday. Granted, there are some bright sides: I have a job, I have a family, I get to commute 21 miles each way five days a week. But really. It’s so easy to preach about ‘finding the greatness in every moment of every day’ when you’ve got unlimited time to do whatever the heck you want with every moment of every day. Really.

I know that ‘the good is so good.’ Trouble is that apparently due to my choices I don’t have time, energy or mental stamina to find and appreciate it. But apparently I lack the acceptance of that, and therefore inner peace. Huh.

Don’t know about you, but I could really appreciate a nap right now.


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Filed under family, Life choices, Philosophy, Positive thinking, Predestination, time management, working moms

Dates, Dates, Dates – and I’m Not Talking Food

Some people are blessed with good memories. I’d like to think of myself as one of those people. But I ain’t got nothing on my spouse. His memory is not only good, it’s freakishly detailed, calendar-oriented, and scarily accurate. Don’t argue with him about what happened in June of 1985. He will win. Every time. I’ve seen it at family gatherings – his mom or dad will mention some memory of when he and his brother were little and it starts. Bro-in-law throws out a date, spouse counters, and it’s on. It’s on like Donkey Kong – and keeps going until my spouse has not only refuted all other opinions, but thrown out five, six or ten pieces of supporting evidence that also occurred in the vicinity of said event on the timeline.

He’s probably some kind of memory-date-savant. Cause for the really important dates he can also give you the time of the event, give or take fifteen minutes or so.

Not so with me. My memory is more photographic, and centered around important events. I can remember my kids’ birthdays, elementary school teachers, anniversary, stuff like that. But my memory is more relative, as in, I can do the math and figure out what year Empire Strikes Back premiered – but don’t have instant recall.

This post is going nowhere. Stick with me, it’s Sunday night and I am slowly meandering to a point. It goes back to my student planners I found in my desk box the other day. And for the one or two of you who will read this, maybe you can help me out.

Memory is subjective, right? Back in high school I had a couple of English teachers who made us learn about all of these different ‘isms’ in literature. Existentialism, transcendentalism, nihilism, etc. etc. I couldn’t tell you what any of them are right now (but I could Google it) – but I remember learning about one philosophy that still freaks me out. The basis being that there is, in fact, no reality. What is real to each one of us is just a figment of our imagination. Very Matrix-like. The point being that no one really knows what happens and that an objective view of any situation is impossible. What I see and experience is totally different from you. Ten points to anyone who can name this philosophy – it’s been bugging me for years.

Back to memory. So in reading through the mundane to-do lists from my life as a music major, there were a few important events scattered here and there. But I wonder – does anyone else remember them? It’s funny how something can seem so life-changing to one person but be completely overlooked by another. Huh. I guess it’s all about subjectivity. I give value to that which I deem important, and forget about the rest. It’s just kind of weird to think that the major stuff has been forgotten. And that moment in a conversation when you ask ‘Do you remember last year, when…?’ and mention something that was really fun/important/memorable. And the response is ‘Not really.’ Awkward. Wonder if everyone has those moments, or it’s just me. I guess it’s my self-centeredness that assumes that other people place the same value on memory as I do.

Life lesson #456. They don’t.

Has anyone else ever thought about this stuff? What if you were the only one that had memories of certain times in your life?

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Filed under Life Changes, Memory, Philosophy