So, I’m not exactly starting with the unachievable goal this month. If you read yesterday’s post, you read about my resolution of the month plan for this year. And here’s January’s goal:
Walk the Talk.
The art is courtesy of one of my favorite kids’ authors, Phil Bildner. I can’t take credit for it – but he’s the one who gave me this idea. Basically I’m going to work on practicing what I preach. I’m really good at snarking on people who annoy me. Those little (and sometimes not-so-little) things that people do that really tick me off. Nemeses included. I let it get to me, build up and eventually explode. And you know what? I’m sick of it. Not just sick of those things that people do that get to me, but I’m sick of my reaction. Hence Walk the Talk.
And that means:
- Making a point NOT to do the pet peeves I gritch about in other people: excessive humble bragging, grammatical errors, publicizing how smart I think I am, etc.
- Setting an example of my expectations with my kids.
- If I AM going to complain or call someone else to task about something, I need to make sure my own side of the street is clean first.
- Working as hard on my thinking as my actions.
The last one is going to be the hardest. I can already tell. Like I’ve said before, I’ve got a strong filter. So not saying negative snarky things is usually pretty easy for me. Until I reach my boiling point, that is. It’s the thinking that I really need to work on. Because, honestly, my head usually defaults to the negative. Sad to say, but it’s true. I remember reading about some kind of therapy a few months ago that involves wearing a rubber band around your wrist and snapping yourself with it if you catch yourself doing whatever it is that you shouldn’t be doing. Pretty good idea, huh?
I have a feeling I’m gonna need a BIG THICK rubber band! We’ll see if I end up with welts on my wrist before the week is out!
It’s there. In full force this week. Mom Guilt. It’s unlike any other guilt you could possibly feel.
Warning – this post ain’t gonna be pretty. But to my credit, it is honest. Soul-baringly honest. So feel free to skip this one if you’d like. I won’t be offended.
See, I work. Outside the home and in. Full time mom, full time professional. And since I’m being honest, it’s causing a lot of negativity at the moment. A lot (yes, that’s two words- another grammar snob pet peeve).
I’m not Catholic, but since I’ve been challenged to be ‘rigorously honest in all my affairs,’ I did a rundown of the seven deadly sins yesterday in my journal.
Wrath? Yeah. I’ll get to that.
Greed? A bit.
Sloth? What I wouldn’t give for about three weeks to myself doing absolutely nothing but reading, watching DVDs and LMN brain rot.
Lust? I love that one of the awesome teachers in our Bible study class refers to lust as ‘any desire that takes precedence over one’s spiritual relationship with God.’ Got it. See sloth.
Envy? Heck yeah.
Gluttony? See sloth above.
Anyhoo, this was all brought on by a couple of things. One- I’m really tired. Busy but fun weekend with the fam did that to me. Sometimes I feel like I need a weekend to recover from my weekend. Two- Catching up with a few blogs I read. It’s really hard, after an exhausting week, to read about what some people consider a ‘busy’ day. Three- the Mom Guilt that makes me feel like I should be home with my kids.
Case in point- the mom who smugly bemoans the fact that her day consisted of ‘having’ to grocery shop and, as a result ‘only’ getting to spend four hours on the hand-designed silk screened shirts for family Christmas card photos.
Boo Hoo. I had a fourteen hour day yesterday starting with a teacher conference at 7 am.
My well-meaning spouse, the voice of reason, asks, ‘Why do you keep reading those blogs then?’
My answer was the same I give when he asks me about watching Big Rich Texas. ‘It’s like a train wreck. I just can’t stop watching!’ Or in this case, reading. It’s a vice.
And another blog I read has a mom justifying her decision to stay home based on the fact that her degree isn’t suited to the job market.
Huh? I spent six solid months looking for a job. Underwater basketweaving degrees qualify you for artisan-type jobs today. I got passed over at the Art Institute because music wasn’t ‘arty’ enough. MRS degree? Schools need ‘culinary arts’ teachers. Random ancient literature major? I’ve seen job postings go unfilled for years because no one possesses the working knowledge of (insert obscure dialect here.) Can you smell my sour grapes yet?
Now I sound judgmental. Not my intent. Envious of other women’s ability to have a choice? Yes. I’ll be honest. And I get sharp-tongued when I’m envious. I don’t have the SAHM choice at the moment. But my point is that I feel like women should own their choices, not make excuses for them. Be happy with the choice that works for your family and don’t cybernetically (? Word? Or not?) rub it in others’ faces.
Stepping off soapbox now. Cause I’ve gotten to the point where I’m rambling. I apologize. Bottom line – working through negative emotion is a challenge at best, and one way that helps me is letting it out – because I used to hold it all in.
What about you? How do you deal with the Mom Guilt, the negative, and still stay sane?