Overthinking. Yet Again.

systems-thinking

Ok, I’m the first to admit that I have a teensy bit of a tendency to take things personally. But in my defense, part of that is just my innate blue-colored-brain desire to make everyone happy. See, my self-centered Type A personality defaults to thinking that, if someone isn’t happy, it must be my fault somehow. It’s led to more than a few issues, to tell the truth. And yes, I’m working on it. But there’s one area where this character defect refuses to shut up.

Relationships.

Yes, relationships. See, the last year and a half (give or take) has been pretty tough on my relationships. I have no idea why – I mean, all I’ve basically had to do is scrape away all of my onion-layers, micromanage each one, and try to put them back together. That shouldn’t have any effect on my relationships with other people, right? (If you missed that heavy sarcasm, you obviously don’t know me.)

See, my relationships right now basically fall into three categories: status quo, ended – kaput – dropped like a hot stone (not by me, mind you) and the WTHeckisgoinon.

Status quo is good. By status quo I mean that my friends and loved ones are still just that. Friends and loved ones. Lots of these relationships have grown even stronger, and for that I am truly grateful. In fact, I communicate more openly and honestly with most of my friends and family than I’ve ever been able to do before. It’s pretty cool.

Kaput and dropped like a hot stone sucks. It hurts. Especially when I considered some of the individuals in question to be true-blue friends. You know the type. The ones who swear that they will stick by you through thick and thin – until they don’t. Honestly, I can’t blame them. I get their reasoning – even though it does hurt and even though I can’t imagine having the stones to do that to someone – I get it.

The ones that I’m talking about today are that pesky third category – the WTHeckisgoinon relationships. These are the ones I’m befuddled about. See, these dear and close friends stuck around when things got tough. And when I wasn’t so nice. And when their own situations got muddled or crappy. We stuck by each other and supported each other when we could. At the very least a quick text, email or Facebook post to say, ‘Hey! I’m thinking about you!’

And then nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. No communication. End of line. Maybe a brief text that said, ‘Hey – let’s get together and catch up sometime,’ and then no response when I shot back, ‘Sure! When and where?’

Maybe my real problem here is that I can’t take a hint. That’s where my Type A people-pleaser gets totally thrown for a loop. Yeah, believe me – I know how easy it is to fall off the grid when things get busy. I’m guilty. I’ve dropped the ball on communication too. But for months? I start to overthink, overanalyze and stew in my own juices. And before you suggest it, yes – I have gone directly to those in question and directly asked what’s up. Vague apologies and explanations have ensued. I keep sending the occasional email/text/whatever. And nothing.

What’s up with that? Does anyone really get that busy? Or is it like I’m thinking – these people are trying to cut ties and I’m missing the hint? I’ve already explained that my Type A blue-braininess can’t think objectively here.

Sigh. It would be SO much easier if people could just be brutally honest, you know?

So, what’s YOUR take on the situation?

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