I Yam What I Yam…

Popeye said it best. Remember the movie with Robin Williams? The Spouse scoffs at its awfulness, and he’s probably right. The main reason I remember it is that it was the first movie I ever saw on a VCR. One of the huge Beta ones. In third grade my friend’s mom RENTED one for her birthday. Remember those days folks? It was amazing. Not the movie, but the idea of seeing a movie at home with no commercials. Can you tell we didn’t have cable?

Anyhoo, it’s Friday. That means a few things around here. I teach my weekly tech training class at work – and the head honcho made an announcement that no phones are allowed. Yippee! That should eliminate the nonstop texting that distracted me in last week’s session. Bowling night for the spouse (we’re so Honeymooners) means fam movie night with the minions. And I guarantee that a VCR won’t be involved. Are you kidding? The minions would die without the Scene Selection feature!

And The Big Sleepover is tomorrow. Coolness. Minion #1 had his birthday dinner last night, and surprisingly chose Napoli. Local neighborhood pizza joint with no crowds and yummy food. So the festivities have just begun.

Back to the topic. I Yam What I Yam. I’m just me. And I’m getting a bit exhausted – mentally and physically – from trying to be all things to make all people happy. I’m just me. See, I’ve got a friend or two – old and dear friends – that I’ve been really trying to maintain connections with. And it’s not working well. Whether they’re just extremely busy, have life stuff going on, or have decided that our relationship just isn’t worth maintaining – connecting is becoming more and more scarce.

I’ve tried. I’ve really tried to keep up the email – texting – Facebooking connection. I’ve tried the lighthearted reminder. The funny email. The from-the-heart supportive message. I’ve tried to say the kinds of things I think would maximize the conversation, the content and the connection. And guess what? It ain’t working, folks. I’ve mentioned the honesty factor. As in, if you’d rather not connect right now, please let me know. That ain’t working either. Yes, I know that ain’t ain’t a word, as my fourth grade teacher used to say. Until we showed her that it was in the dictionary. She was stymied.

So basically it comes down to me just being me. And – for once – not apologizing for it. I’m a smart person. I love to learn. But I also like to take a break with mindless escapism now and then. I enjoy fashion. I’m a girl. That doesn’t make me less of a person. And, being female, I can also be moody, crabby and a bit vindictive now and then. I’m tired of trying to hide it. Take me for what I am. Not perfect, but worthy of attention in my own right.

“Take me baby, or leave me.” Amazing vocals aside, that pretty much sums it up. And if you haven’t heard that song from Rent, do. If for no other reason than the amazing female vocal talent that’s required to pull it off.

So yes, I am a mom. A woman. A wife, mom and person in my own right. What I choose to do – or not do – makes me me. Working towards accepting that, as much as I may want them to, my friends just may not want me in their lives right now. I’m just gonna be me. And let them make their own choices.

Of course, it would be nice if open and honest communication let me know what those choices are. But that’s not on me. It’s out of my hands. Know what I mean??

How’s that for a deep Friday post??

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Filed under honesty, Moms, Relationships, Rent, Self esteem, working moms

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