Waiting

I don’t like waiting. Period. Well, that’s not entirely true. I am perfectly capable of waiting – patiently – if there’s an end in sight. Doctor’s office? No problem. Dentist? Check. Hair appointment? Got it. Scheduled  meeting at work? It’s in the bag.

See, all of those things have a deadline. A set date and time. At least if the dentist is running an hour or so late, it might not be a pleasant hour of waiting, but it’s finite. Even going to camp as a kid or preparing for an audition in college had a set start and end time and date. Those things were doable.

With everything else, my Type-A-ness gets in the way. And it’s annoying.

I think part of it has to do with being so goal-oriented. Back in school there was always a set timeline. Tests, social events, auditions and contests always had a concrete calendar – and I could work with that. In fact I thrived on it. It’s always been the ‘sometime’ future events that give me the most grief.

Like getting married. Several college friends were engaged to their guys for years. YEARS. With no date set other than ‘when we both finish school.’ I never could understand how they were able to function. I mean, how could you make a timeline, schedule, to-do list and count down the days without a definite calendar? (And to me, that’s the fun part.) To my credit, I did pretty well with that one. We were engaged a whole month (and a half) before I caved and had to set a date or go crazy. Once the date was set – nine months in the future – I was OK. I could function. Goal, schedule, timeline – all ready to be in place.

Even now, it’s the unknowns that get me. ‘We’ll take that vacation sometime,’ is a popular one around our house these days. Not. Good. Enough. I’m antsy – even if it’s five years from now, I’d like to know that from April 7-11, 2017 I will be on a beach in ___________ . Crazy, I know. Just one of my many quirks. I’m sure I drive others just as crazy as they drive me. Trying to plan nights out with the girls is a prime example. ‘We’ll do this again soon,’ is a pretty common saying. I get it. We’re all moms with kids and spouses – with schedules of their own. I’d much rather look at my trusty calendar and get something down – even if it changes.

And my Type-A brain likes to grumble, ‘Why isn’t everyone like this?’ It’s frustrating. Frustrating because I thrive on a schedule, frustrating because – even after a fun time – I need ‘the next thing’ to look forward to. And finally, frustrating because it’s times like these that make me realize just how weird I am. I know it and I own it.

Living in the moment. Enjoying the journey, not just the destination – that’s my new challenge. (Well, along with accepting the knowledge that I’m quirky that way and that part of me – just part of me – needs to get over it.)

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1 Comment

Filed under goals, scheduling, time management, type a personality

One response to “Waiting

  1. I always had trouble with this until my wife was listed for transplant. Suddenly I had to learn that we had NO control. At all. We were waiting for someone else, a stranger, to die…and hope those lungs would work for her. You don't get to plan that. Her Mom struggled with it for that year+ because she has to have a plan and a schedule (maybe its a teacher thing?). :)I don't know that I wanted to ever learn how to just let it come when it happens, but I did. I'm still not very good at it, but we're still in that boat and I have adapted. Now it's not "when will someone else die, so that Allison might get working lungs." Now its "How long will these lungs last." Answer is still "Nobody Knows". We are a lot more Present-focused than we ever were before. I think that's a good thing. Or at least its the only option we can stay "sane" with. 🙂

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